fringe benefits

so, i've recently been watching fringe this week. because of this, there is one thing that i've suddenly just realized. it's been a long time since i've had my brain working at full speed.

well, yes, work in itself has been stressful and it's been difficult to cope, but it's more a physical and emotional stimulation than it is mental. what i'm saying is that it's been a long time that i racked my brain in order to understand something very complicated. very much, like what i was doing partially in college. partially, because if i remember right, i half-slept through most of college.

but watching fringe, and seeing how eccentric, scientists and geniuses are, i am beginning to think that i'm not living up to my full potential.

as such, i've made a decision, and i do hope the decision sticks, to once more challenge my mind. get the gears in my head running at full speed and hopefully not end up with an aneurysm.

this starts today, and this thing i'm writing right here is going to be my documentation.

and since we're talking about documentation, i think I should get a notebook. something to write on. i guess that's something that eccentric but mentally advantaged people often do.

and i hope that i am such a person.

my grade school teacher was a horny bitch

Miss Brenda Sindurot, was our grade school teacher in English.

early on, i had a crush on her, because at that precocious young age, i thought anybody else who knew more than i did was amazing. in addition, she had a fine ass.

but despite seemingly being a respectable teacher in our school, Miss BS was also a very horny woman. but then, at age 10, we wouldn't know that off the bat. she was after all, more a woman of words than of action.

as i said, Miss BS, was our grade school teacher in English. we often would have grammatical exercises every now and then. and these were her sample statements:

- i (insert verb here) sausage and eggs for breakfast.

- my boyfriend was playing with my kitten earlier.

and such examples.

and one other thing, she would make us do action songs every now and then in class. and her favorite was this one:

"watermelon, watermelon,
papaya, papaya,
banana, banana,
banana, banana,
fruit salad, fruit salad."

oh! how she loved doing that song so much!

K.O.G.

"do not unto unto others, what you don't want others unto unto you."

it's a murdering of a very old, but very wise biblical saying - the Golden Rule. the Golden Rule educates us on meaning well for others if we intend for them to treat us in a favorable manner. it is a valuable lesson and a beautiful motto to live by.

and here are other ridiculous murderings of common sayings:

do not judge a book, cover it.

birds of the same feather, are the same birds.

don't judge my brother, he is not a book. - as actually said by miss melanie marquez

- and a friend's favorite - the world is young, and so are we, but only god can make a tree.

but rather than calling to attention whenever someone makes a pun of wise anecdotes, we instead laugh with it. anecdotes are valuable. at times valuable enough to be translated into mottos in life.

but then we do not take it seriously whenever the question is ever asked about our motto in life. we even snicker at judges who would ask such a question to a contestant. often we presume the judge is too simple-minded to have asked such a shallow question. when the question in reality is anything but shallow. it is a simple reflection of how we view life and by which principles we follow.

something as short as - "time is gold" - is another useful motto to live by. it teaches that every moment should be treated preciously. that every day must be lived to the fullest. and it would do all of us a lot of good if we were to do such.

24 years into this world should warrant a "motto in life". and i have one such. and the saying has dictated how i am living my life.

people often say i'm autistic...or indifferent...or suplado. but i have lived my life with the understanding that it is wisest to not bother other people. that it is best to not involve yourself where you have not been invited. to learn to let others live as they please.

it is but a short saying, which, like all other aged quotes, holds much wisdom.

someday i'm planning to have the acronym K.O.G. tattoed on my nape to sum up my life principle. to instill a sense of spiritual connection to my motto.

K.O.G.

Keep Off the Grass.

are we mice? or are we men?

mice live in my room. i had these doubts for some time but had never been able to confirm it. the only possible clues i had was the bleeding toe that i had one time that i was sleeping. as well as the gnawing pain i felt in the middle of the dreaming.

so i bought myself some fly paper. with the intent of hoping to catch whichever pest was bothering me. to date i have caught six mice. the first two i left outside to rot and be eaten alive by ants and larvae. the next ones i left on the flypaper. the other two i'm conducting an experiment on by placing them in a "sola" bottle. yes! that would be sola as in the ice tea. i'm hoping that they would display some form of cannibalism.

owing to the incidences with the mice, i happened to have a nightmare involving an overpopulation of rodents attacking people and bringing about the end of the world. if you saw willard, it'd be reminiscent of people getting attacked by hordes of rats. i did not see the movie but just trailers of it as i figured it wasn't worth watching. in the dream though, aside from getting attacked, they - people - also get chewed to pieces.

the dream ends in that just a group of people survived. me included. and we put up headquarters in an old Hollywood theater.

and that is how it ended. it doesn't really settle whether we do eventually survive or get outsmarted by the rats and eventually end up as their snack.

first time i had a rodentated dream. i hadn't expected it to be so because i never did have musophobia. i do find it disturbing though that a lot of my dreams have end-of-the-world scenarios. i'm refusing to convince myself that it's perhaps because i think that eventually my life is going to self-destruct.

but as scientists often speculate. should an end-of-the-world scenario occur there would be likely to be two prevailing species in the aftermath. the first would be cockroaches, which i cutely refer to as cookie-roaches. and then the other, would be rodents.

so in a million years from now...when we are all dead...we are likely to see a neverceasing war being fought between the two supreme races in the world. the Roachkies and the Rodentoes. very unoriginal names. fuck! i am so uncreative today.

and one thought bothers me about the end-of-the-world scenario. is this really highly likely? are we, in the future, going to end up as fodder for roaches and rodents? what an end for the almighty human race?

thus here is my challenge to the current generation of men...ensure your place in the world! protect your place in the hierarchy! destroy all possible opposition!

let's start by stocking our homes with baygon and raid cans! eliminate the roaches, the rodents and any other pestophods that are currently plaguing your lives! don't let them give you shit!

...and oh! don't forget the fly paper. there has to be flypaper!

an extremely bad case of the bajujees

i woke up today feeling like crap...

i didn't want to go to work...

would have loved to call in absent...

felt that all the ten plagues had befallen me and that there was no option left but to take my life...or somebody else's...

i was having an extremely bad case of the bajujees.

it's never good when i have THEM. nothing good ever comes when i do. i end up being devious and criminal.

i remember two occassions from college.

both had me doing some nasty stuff.

the first time...i bought a bar of chocolate. opened it. got a dead cockroach. stuffed it into the chocolate. sealed the bar back into the package. and then left the package in one of our university benches....a few minutes after, when i passed by the area, a frat guy was spitting furiosly as though he had to seriously clean his mouth. probably ate something bad.

the second time...i bought a bag of chips. chippy for that matter. opened it. caught a live spider. stuffed it in the bag. sealed the bag. live spider and all. and then left it in our cafeteria.... i'm wondering if people enjoy "spippy?"

nasty.

i don't trust myself when i feel the bajujees.

i scare myself when i do.

so i must suppose right, to not write, the worst ever instance i had...

the vilest.

the most underhanded.

the least conscientious bajujee-influenced plan i've ever laid out.

as i said, i wouldn't trust myself. all the more likely that you wouldn't.

trust me.

my brother is not a pig....he's just morbidly obese

i have a brother who weighs about 180 lbs but is just over 5'3". if you have a good grasp of proportions, you can visualize that my brother is fat. it doesn't make him any less of a person. hes' still a person. a person with the constitution of a pig!



yes! my brother is overweight. and so are my eldest and youngest sisters. they unfortunately inherited my dad's fat gene. but we shouldn't be entirely blaming on genes. after all, DNA doesn't chew your food or choose how much you eat. because aside from being graced with a metabolism that runs slower than a turtle on valium. they do share an undeniable fondness for food. they, 60% of americans, and who knows what percent of the world.

obesity is a current issue. and at the other side of the weight issue are the malnourished. which is where i previously fell under. five years back i was 118 lbs and 5'8". so i near resembled a stick figure puppet.

i didn't starve myself though. people even often commented a lot as to where i was putting what i was eating as i certainly wasn't gaining weight. it's just been recently that i've been growing sideways. i don't know whether i should be happy or depressed. the dilemma of how i should respond is of course encouraged by the fact that my pants before don't fit anymore and that i can barely see my cheekbones.

so i've been planning for quite some time to sign up for membership at a local fitness gym. to buff myself up. or look like i've got pandesal abs. i know i've got the finances to pay for month's of membership but i can't even make myself sign up yet. i've inquired at several places. holiday spa's offer was really interesting. considering that you get to pay P4500 for 3 months and you get a lot out of it. and then there's a nearby gym that charges only P550 per month. quite cheap and it's just less than 5 minutes ride from our place. but then again, i still haven't signed up for it.

that's one vice i can't seem to get rid of. i'm short of being a narcoleptic. i'm too lethargic to move about or make something out of my life. damn, i'm such a sloth!

.....but at least i'm not a pig.

caramel, cinnamon and a longing

desire is a six-letter word. i'd much rather prefer it to the concept of love. love as they say is complicated. desire is not. desire is not some complex machine that takes time to warm up. takes effort to operate. and takes forever to shut down.

the idea behind it is simple. all you have to do is want. nothing hard. which makes it all the more a powerful emotion. the simplicity of it makes it addictive and indulgent.

how difficult it could become depends on what you want. just remember to desire within your means. that often translates to desiring what you are. but we don't often find ourselves appealing.

that's expected.

so we often desire beyond ourselves. which becomes quite often troublesome. the common fix to making it easier is to make us want ourselves. so we do a lot of stuff to make ourselves better. we sign up for gym memberships. which we may or may not use. we drop by a spa or salon. monthly, weekly or daily. we follow all sorts of beauty regimens. we have surgery done. we even have self-help books to make us feel better about ourselves when nothing can basically be done.

we are what we always have been. slaves to a culture mastered by desire.

often master/mistress desire is depicted as an androgynous personage who transcends barriers of race, color and sex. to understand the nature of desire takes quite an effort. but basically, the representation is for us to know that desire is not just all about a physical wanting but can be much more than that. we will always want something. we may even want desire itself.

we don't always want to admit it because we want to believe that we are much better than that. when really? all of our intentions have always been dictated by the rule of "getting what we want."

so i have all the respect for those who have what they want. because i believe it must have been difficult getting it. it takes a battle tooth and nail in order to get to where you need to be.

as for me? well, my desires are simple. all i want is to be bigger. (no! i certainly did not mean in that department!) i want to go beyond the simple humanity and transcend to divinity. i don't seek to become a god. it won't be easy to explain it. such as it certainly would not be easy for me to understand too the desires of others. let's just end it at there then.

(this post was inspired after hearing suzanne vega's hypnotic track "caramel." it explains the title.)